1 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,050 Give me that thing. 2 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,826 You color like a mental patient. 3 00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:19,419 Maw Maw. 4 00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:20,854 If you continue to embarrass us, 5 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,105 we're going to start dropping you off 6 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,240 at the Korean church again. 7 00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,058 She's a terrible drawer. 8 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,560 She made Joseph all blue. 9 00:00:26,611 --> 00:00:28,928 And Mary's got furry monkey arms. 10 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:30,063 So what? 11 00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,648 Maybe she had hairy arms. 12 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,567 It's probably why she stayed a virgin. 13 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:35,152 Good morning. 14 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,620 I'd like to mention 15 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,039 that one of my Heaven's Helpers volunteers 16 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,408 did a wonderful job on beautifying 17 00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,542 the church's landscaping. 18 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:43,776 Here it comes. 19 00:00:43,828 --> 00:00:45,445 Does this face look humble? 20 00:00:45,496 --> 00:00:47,714 It's all a part of the Spring into Spring campaign 21 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,566 that I organized. 22 00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:51,751 I'd like to recognize the parishioner 23 00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:56,173 who donated his time and talent for this project. 24 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,124 But... 25 00:00:58,176 --> 00:01:00,293 he doesn't do it for the recognition. 26 00:01:00,344 --> 00:01:02,345 None of my volunteers here do. 27 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,348 They follow the example that I set. 28 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,601 I don't do it for the glory. 29 00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,802 I do it for the Lordy. 30 00:01:14,358 --> 00:01:15,992 No. It's not about me, 31 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,344 but thank you. 32 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,979 So you'll be happy to know 33 00:01:20,031 --> 00:01:22,165 that I will run for another term 34 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,584 as chairperson of Heaven's Helpers. 35 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,620 I'll formally accept my nomination 36 00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:29,873 next Tuesday, right after Bible hymn karaoke. 37 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,346 Are those pesos? 38 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,714 Yeah. 39 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:41,134 I won a bet from a gal at work. It's all she had. 40 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,386 Don't worry... if Jesus turned water into wine, 41 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,438 I'm sure he can turn pesos into dollars. 42 00:01:48,893 --> 00:01:50,727 All right, Jimmy, come on. 43 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,229 It's time to put on your costume. 44 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,513 Costume for what? 45 00:01:53,564 --> 00:01:54,981 You'll think it's weird, 46 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,733 but ever since we stopped getting the Sunday paper, 47 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,685 we started making up and acting out our own funnies. 48 00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:04,257 I don't really feel like doing the comics this morning. 49 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,692 Come on, Burt. 50 00:02:05,743 --> 00:02:07,210 You know I've been waiting all week for this. 51 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:08,368 Yeah, I was waiting all week 52 00:02:08,369 --> 00:02:10,630 for a little acknowledgment for my church volunteer work. 53 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,299 I was even practicing all this. 54 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,085 Sarah Louise is running for reelection. 55 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,419 You should run against her. 56 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:17,620 Then, when you're in charge, 57 00:02:17,621 --> 00:02:19,973 you can make sure everybody gets the credit they deserve. 58 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,108 No way. Do not cross Sarah Louise. 59 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,977 You remember what happened when Ernie Sawyer 60 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,062 ran against her, and then he fell off the wagon? 61 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,347 She made him start drinking? 62 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:28,682 No, she scared the horses, 63 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,383 and he flew off the back of the hayride. 64 00:02:31,686 --> 00:02:32,736 He was drunk, though. 65 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,053 But they say that's what saved him. 66 00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:36,022 Maybe I should run against her. 67 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,057 It's time someone stood up to Sarah Louise. 68 00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:40,493 If you run against her, I'll be your campaign manager. 69 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,639 But only if you let me go negative, 70 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,580 'cause I just don't think we can win on your accomplishments. 71 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,564 You know what? 72 00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,777 I was going to start with Beetle Bailey this week, 73 00:02:46,778 --> 00:02:48,901 but I think you need to learn a very important lesson 74 00:02:48,953 --> 00:02:50,420 from some of America's favorite kids. 75 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,172 Just give me five minutes to rewrite this week's script. 76 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,292 Okay. 77 00:02:58,796 --> 00:03:01,381 - Is everybody ready? - I really should be Marcie. 78 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:04,184 I'm the only one with an actual lesbian experience. 79 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,019 Maw Maw, I've told you before, watching Ellen 80 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,772 isn't considered a lesbian experience, okay? 81 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,773 Ready? Go. 82 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,057 Come on, Charlie Brown. 83 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,276 Do it. You'd be everyone's hero. 84 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,278 Yeah, trust me, Charlie Brown. 85 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,613 You guys are right. 86 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,481 I think I can do it. 87 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,317 What's the worst thing that can happen? 88 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,795 This is exactly what will happen 89 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,514 if you run against Sarah Louise. 90 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,840 Good grief. 91 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,024 Well, I'd like to start the meeting, but, apparently, 92 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,159 Carl's sister is running late to pick him up. 93 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,160 Poor blind fellow. 94 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,812 Music's all he's got. 95 00:04:05,863 --> 00:04:07,197 And he's not as good 96 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,783 as most blind musicians I've seen on TV. 97 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,651 My ears work, okay? 98 00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:14,153 As does my middle finger. 99 00:04:14,205 --> 00:04:16,506 Poor thing. 100 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,042 He's flipping the bird to a poster of Bethlehem. 101 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,845 Thanks, Virginia. 102 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,563 She's in the crosshairs now. 103 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,964 All right. 104 00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:26,516 Everybody saw it. 105 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,884 You can put it down, Carl. 106 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,970 Tonight's first order of business 107 00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,356 will be to formally nominate candidates 108 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,942 for chairperson of Heaven's Helpers. 109 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,977 Put it down, Carl. 110 00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:43,033 Do it. Nominate me. No. It's a suicide mission. 111 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,452 Since I'm unopposed again... 112 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,953 I nominate Burt Chance. 113 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,457 Thank you, Carl. 114 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,693 Okay. 115 00:04:53,744 --> 00:04:55,762 Good for you, Burt. 116 00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:57,697 In two weeks, at the next meeting, 117 00:04:57,748 --> 00:05:00,667 both of us will make brief speeches, 118 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,802 and all members in attendance will vote. 119 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,970 Sorry I'm late. 120 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,639 My mouthwash gave my Breathalyzer 121 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,342 a false reading, so my car wouldn't start. 122 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,209 Bye, Carl. 123 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,680 He's good. 124 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,516 As some of you may have heard, 125 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,384 Carl's sister Gwen's moving away. 126 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:20,052 Rehab. 127 00:05:20,104 --> 00:05:22,439 Luckily for him, I stepped in. 128 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,941 Next week, Heaven's Helpers will present Carl 129 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,793 with his very own guide animal. 130 00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:27,744 Isn't that wonderful? 131 00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:31,281 We do, however, need someone 132 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,500 to care for the animal until the presentation. 133 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,918 No. 134 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,403 I spend half the week vacuuming up Maw Maw's hair. 135 00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:38,788 I'm not adding an animal. 136 00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:41,374 I would do it myself, but... 137 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,793 since I'm sure Burt would like to prove 138 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:46,296 to everyone that he can be in charge... 139 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,466 I would really love to help out here, 140 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,769 but, uh, unfortunately, I am allergic to dogs. 141 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,354 Well, praise the Lord. 142 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,022 Carl is, too. 143 00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,558 I hate that pig. 144 00:05:58,609 --> 00:05:59,976 Me, too. 145 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,227 We're talking about Sarah Louise, right? 146 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,779 'Cause this one seems pretty nice. 147 00:06:07,556 --> 00:06:09,676 I'm home! I think. 148 00:06:09,813 --> 00:06:11,764 Mom, you should've been on that walk. 149 00:06:11,815 --> 00:06:13,600 Hope loves having a pet. 150 00:06:13,651 --> 00:06:15,518 Maw Maw put her on Mr. Curly Tail's back, 151 00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,770 and it... it looked just like a little rodeo. 152 00:06:17,821 --> 00:06:19,022 I mean, you know, if cowboys 153 00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:20,823 in rodeos had giant old ladies 154 00:06:20,908 --> 00:06:22,025 behind them holding them on. 155 00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:24,978 You had to be there. 156 00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,880 Burt, this isn't going to be as easy as you think. 157 00:06:27,932 --> 00:06:29,682 This thing is full 158 00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:31,601 of special care instructions. 159 00:06:31,685 --> 00:06:34,070 Purified water? 160 00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:37,023 Pesticide-free fruits and vegetables? 161 00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:39,892 You think you're better than us, don't you? 162 00:06:39,944 --> 00:06:41,327 Guys. 163 00:06:41,395 --> 00:06:43,363 I just heard that one of your neighbors got a pig. 164 00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:45,164 And now you're not the trashiest people on the... 165 00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:49,402 Sorry. 166 00:06:49,453 --> 00:06:52,288 In just five days, they're going to present that to Carl. 167 00:06:52,373 --> 00:06:53,590 We spent longer than that 168 00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,425 trying to win a "hands on a Jet Ski" contest. 169 00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,576 And we would have won, too, if they hadn't have let 170 00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:58,928 that jerk with the colostomy bag enter. 171 00:06:59,013 --> 00:07:00,546 Plus, it'll give me great stuff to brag about 172 00:07:00,598 --> 00:07:02,098 in two weeks when I make my big speech. 173 00:07:02,182 --> 00:07:06,269 Burt, you know how ruthless Sarah Louise is. 174 00:07:06,353 --> 00:07:09,772 And you're not the best public speaker. 175 00:07:09,857 --> 00:07:12,392 I just don't want to see you get hurt. 176 00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:14,593 I could... I could help you with your speech if you want. 177 00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:16,229 I-I learned a trick in my public speaking course. 178 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,864 If it's the old classic "picture everybody naked," 179 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,315 you can forget about it. 180 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,483 Burt always pictures everybody naked. 181 00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,818 We both do. 182 00:07:21,902 --> 00:07:23,653 Some people have Cinemax. 183 00:07:23,737 --> 00:07:25,872 We have our imagination. 184 00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,607 Living with a pig in your house might sound crazy, 185 00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:31,377 but we all fell in love with Mr. Curly Tail. 186 00:07:31,445 --> 00:07:33,046 Except Mom. 187 00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:44,891 Twins. 188 00:07:51,432 --> 00:07:52,849 He was cold. 189 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,684 I was afraid he'd get the swine flu. 190 00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:56,152 What...? 191 00:07:56,236 --> 00:07:58,604 Shh. 192 00:08:05,162 --> 00:08:07,030 He never saw Babe. 193 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,151 Two out of three, Mr. Curly Tail. 194 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:18,341 No...! 195 00:08:21,328 --> 00:08:22,795 Virginia. 196 00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:24,663 Check this out. 197 00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:29,001 Curly, newspaper. 198 00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,087 Burt, we don't get the newspaper. 199 00:08:31,155 --> 00:08:33,139 I know. He steals it from the neighbors. 200 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,474 Listen, I'm going down to the grocery store. 201 00:08:34,525 --> 00:08:37,393 Sabrina's going to help me with my very funny speech. 202 00:08:37,478 --> 00:08:39,395 There's no Polish people in our church, right? 203 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:40,697 You better be taking that pig with you. 204 00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:41,948 I don't want to be alone with him. 205 00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:43,449 You're not alone. Maw Maw's right here. 206 00:08:43,517 --> 00:08:45,351 Unless she's dead. 207 00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:46,569 Alive. 208 00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:47,620 Leave him if you want. 209 00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:48,988 That stupid pig is on his own. 210 00:08:49,039 --> 00:08:50,289 I'm watching this TV show 211 00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,741 where they find wedding dresses 212 00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:54,026 that look good on oddly-shaped women. 213 00:08:54,078 --> 00:08:55,962 I think today's got conjoined twins. 214 00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,964 That is a lucky groom. 215 00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:03,242 Come on, you got to love this guy. 216 00:09:05,872 --> 00:09:08,641 Today, Beth tries on gown number seven 217 00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:11,177 while her sister Tanya still can't find a bridesmaid's dress 218 00:09:11,228 --> 00:09:12,711 that doesn't make her hip look big. 219 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,514 You hang in there, Tanya. 220 00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:16,015 Beth found her Mr. Right. 221 00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:18,050 You'll find your Mr. Left. 222 00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:37,703 Holy crap, pig. 223 00:09:37,755 --> 00:09:39,539 You saved my life. 224 00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:43,259 You saved my life, pig. 225 00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,128 My God. 226 00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:48,914 You're like Lassie without all the attitude. 227 00:09:48,966 --> 00:09:52,385 Not even my own grandmother would wake up to save me. 228 00:09:52,436 --> 00:09:53,569 I was awake. 229 00:09:53,637 --> 00:09:56,889 Thought you were trying to trick me into giving up the good chair. 230 00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,924 This couch is way more comfortable than that chair. 231 00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:09,402 In conclusion, fellow parishioners, 232 00:10:09,453 --> 00:10:13,289 I would like to be chairperson of Heaven's Helpers 233 00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:14,874 so that you can get 234 00:10:14,941 --> 00:10:17,210 the credit that you deserve 235 00:10:17,277 --> 00:10:19,796 without making everything about me. 236 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,714 You're still kind of doing this thing with your hands. 237 00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:22,999 - Still? - Burt! 238 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,334 Burt, you were right about Mr. Curly Tail. 239 00:10:25,419 --> 00:10:27,170 He is a genius. 240 00:10:27,254 --> 00:10:30,139 I was choking, and he saved my life. 241 00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:31,624 I told you, he's a genius. 242 00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:33,092 I decided to come and get Mr. Curly Tail 243 00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:34,460 some of those organic apples you guys sell. 244 00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,845 We stopped selling organic stuff. 245 00:10:35,929 --> 00:10:38,064 See, the produce is really close to the restroom, 246 00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:39,398 and without pesticides, 247 00:10:39,466 --> 00:10:40,933 they just can't handle the air fresheners. 248 00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,351 However, our public restrooms 249 00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:44,136 were voted the best-smelling in Natesville. 250 00:10:44,188 --> 00:10:46,355 Fine. Then I guess I'll go out to that hippie farm 251 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,490 and get some real organic apples. 252 00:10:47,574 --> 00:10:48,941 How'd that, uh, 253 00:10:48,992 --> 00:10:50,159 conjoined twin's wedding work out? 254 00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:51,828 Wild. At that part in the wedding 255 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,830 when they ask if anyone has any objections, 256 00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,698 the bride's conjoined twin admitted 257 00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:57,750 that she had slept with the groom. 258 00:10:59,819 --> 00:11:03,289 I admit it, you were right, and I was wrong. 259 00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:05,341 That really is one magnificent pig. 260 00:11:05,425 --> 00:11:06,992 And you know what? 261 00:11:07,044 --> 00:11:09,011 I'm gonna let him sleep in the bed tonight. 262 00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:11,497 Something smells good. 263 00:11:23,343 --> 00:11:25,311 Maw Maw. 264 00:11:25,362 --> 00:11:27,914 Please tell us you didn't butcher Mr. Curly Tail. 265 00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,365 Of course, I did. 266 00:11:29,449 --> 00:11:31,901 And if this is going to become a regular thing, 267 00:11:31,985 --> 00:11:34,387 we're gonna need a bigger freezer, sharper knives, 268 00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:36,289 and a much better mop. 269 00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:47,427 I can't eat him. 270 00:11:47,494 --> 00:11:48,661 He was a friend. 271 00:11:48,729 --> 00:11:50,046 Get off it. 272 00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,015 I should've just told you it ran away, 273 00:11:52,099 --> 00:11:54,017 and I bought this at a store. 274 00:11:54,101 --> 00:11:56,219 It worked for Jimmy's pet rabbits. 275 00:11:56,303 --> 00:11:58,671 You killed Floppy and Pom-Pom? 276 00:11:58,739 --> 00:11:59,973 And you ate 'em. 277 00:12:00,024 --> 00:12:01,474 Those rabbits were stupid and worthless. 278 00:12:01,525 --> 00:12:03,509 This pig we're eating was a hero. 279 00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:08,147 He saved my life, and I couldn't save his. 280 00:12:08,199 --> 00:12:10,617 He was a damn good pig. He makes a damn good chop. 281 00:12:10,684 --> 00:12:11,188 Burt! 282 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,203 Virginia, eat him or he would've died in vain. 283 00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:14,871 He would've wanted it this way. 284 00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:16,472 I'm sure Maw Maw made it quick and painless. 285 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,542 No, it was a hell of a struggle. 286 00:12:19,627 --> 00:12:24,030 It isn't easy trying to cut up a pig with a pizza cutter. 287 00:12:24,081 --> 00:12:25,915 God. Okay. 288 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,383 That did it for me. 289 00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:30,637 Who are you, and why are you always in our house? 290 00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:33,223 I guess we should save some for Carl so he gets something out of this. 291 00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,141 We're gonna have to change that speech we worked on. 292 00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,559 That's a pretty significant rewrite. 293 00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:37,894 A lot of our best points 294 00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,879 were about how you kept that pig alive for five days. 295 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,347 Maybe you can just change it to "four days." 296 00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:42,815 Are you insane? 297 00:12:42,883 --> 00:12:44,901 There is no speech, there is no election. 298 00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:46,853 You are going in there tomorrow 299 00:12:46,904 --> 00:12:48,738 saying you killed a blind man's pig. 300 00:12:48,822 --> 00:12:50,573 Well, the election's not for a week. 301 00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:52,091 Maybe they'll just forget. 302 00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:54,611 Seriously, who are you? 303 00:12:54,695 --> 00:12:57,730 Burt, look, we screwed up. 304 00:12:57,781 --> 00:12:59,632 Okay? Forget the election. 305 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:00,900 This is what's gonna happen: 306 00:13:00,951 --> 00:13:02,535 We're gonna go in there tomorrow, 307 00:13:02,586 --> 00:13:05,371 say what we did, and we're gonna suffer the scorn, 308 00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,040 and we're gonna do it as a family. 309 00:13:07,091 --> 00:13:09,709 I mean, we got through the Easter fart. 310 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,345 We got through Maw Maw dry- humping the St. Francis statue. 311 00:13:12,412 --> 00:13:13,563 He was no saint. 312 00:13:13,631 --> 00:13:15,915 Should've seen the way he was looking at me. 313 00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:20,186 Well, if tomorrow's our judgment day, might as well enjoy now. 314 00:13:26,259 --> 00:13:29,729 I'm only doing this so you'll always be a part of me, okay? 315 00:13:35,035 --> 00:13:36,736 God, that is delicious. 316 00:13:40,541 --> 00:13:42,408 Sorry I'm late. 317 00:13:42,459 --> 00:13:44,377 Where's Burt? I wish I knew. 318 00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,045 He left before we woke up this morning. 319 00:13:46,113 --> 00:13:47,947 He missed a really good breakfast. 320 00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:50,783 We had ham and eggs, bacon, pigs in a blanket, 321 00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:52,552 and the blanket was ham. 322 00:13:52,619 --> 00:13:54,470 Burt, I don't know where the heck you went this morning, 323 00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,222 but we said we were gonna do this as a family, 324 00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:57,674 and I expect you to be here. 325 00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,092 Pig-ahoy. 326 00:14:01,762 --> 00:14:04,347 Burt, you found another Mr. Curly Tail? 327 00:14:04,431 --> 00:14:06,099 Like the Good Book probably says, 328 00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,934 "Have a little faith, then ye shall find-eth." 329 00:14:07,985 --> 00:14:10,486 There you are. 330 00:14:10,571 --> 00:14:12,488 We're just about to make the presentation. 331 00:14:12,573 --> 00:14:14,357 Give me that pig. 332 00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,109 Come on, let's go. Let's... going to work. 333 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,244 Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. 334 00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,280 This is amazing. 335 00:14:21,332 --> 00:14:23,482 I would've thought there's a waiting list for a service pig. 336 00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:24,667 I'm sure there is. 337 00:14:24,752 --> 00:14:26,152 But you can get a regular pig like that. 338 00:14:26,203 --> 00:14:30,123 So you just got some random animal off a farm? 339 00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:32,658 Petting zoo. For $100, the guy said I could have 340 00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:35,211 any animal I wanted, and I could do whatever I wanted with it. 341 00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:36,979 Then he winked at me. 342 00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:40,383 We are never taking Hope to that petting zoo. 343 00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:43,553 Just sweet, right? 344 00:14:43,637 --> 00:14:45,504 Just sweet, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. 345 00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:46,622 I'm not done. 346 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:47,890 I've also thought to provide 347 00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:50,226 this pouch of treats that you can use to reward 348 00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:53,546 your service companion as he adapts to your personal needs. 349 00:14:53,614 --> 00:14:54,814 Let's put this on you. 350 00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:57,784 There you go. Thank you. 351 00:14:57,851 --> 00:14:59,786 No, it's not about me, 352 00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:02,789 or the $47.00 that I spent on the pouch and treats. 353 00:15:03,991 --> 00:15:05,357 This is about you. 354 00:15:05,409 --> 00:15:07,860 I'm smiling and pointing at you, Carl. 355 00:15:07,911 --> 00:15:08,995 Okay. 356 00:15:09,046 --> 00:15:10,163 It's a good thing. 357 00:15:10,214 --> 00:15:11,914 What the hell, Burt? He's gonna get killed 358 00:15:11,999 --> 00:15:14,300 being dragged around town by an untrained pig. 359 00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:17,203 Don't worry, I have a plan. 360 00:15:20,424 --> 00:15:22,208 Dad did have a plan. 361 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,549 But like most of his plans, it was crazy. 362 00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:33,686 Dad figured that we could keep Carl safe by being guide humans 363 00:15:33,737 --> 00:15:35,571 for the fake guide pig. 364 00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,408 Good job, pig. 365 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:49,401 You smell that, pig? Someone must have passed by 366 00:15:49,453 --> 00:15:51,587 wearing cheap perfume and way too much of it. 367 00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:56,292 It's lingering. 368 00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:59,078 All we had to do was keep the most popular blind man 369 00:15:59,146 --> 00:16:00,847 in town alive long enough 370 00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:02,632 for Dad to win the Heaven's Helpers election. 371 00:16:02,716 --> 00:16:03,883 Good job, pig. 372 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,694 Bless you, pig. 373 00:16:14,761 --> 00:16:16,696 And once Dad was in charge, 374 00:16:16,763 --> 00:16:18,865 he'd be able to figure out a more permanent solution. 375 00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:23,486 Good job, pig. 376 00:16:30,878 --> 00:16:33,746 That was a close call, 377 00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,165 Yeah, it was. 378 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:39,051 Boy, you saved my life, pig. 379 00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:40,636 It was gonna be tough, 380 00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:43,055 but luckily, our family is used to doing horrible jobs. 381 00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,223 Pig! Towel! 382 00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:50,229 ♪ You're the one who erased the pain ♪ 383 00:16:50,297 --> 00:16:54,100 ♪ My life will never be the same ♪ 384 00:16:54,151 --> 00:16:58,187 ♪ You're the very one, the only one that I've been waiting for ♪ 385 00:16:58,272 --> 00:16:59,805 Pig! Bag! 386 00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:01,941 ♪ I want to thank you... ♪ 387 00:17:01,992 --> 00:17:04,410 Good job, pig. 388 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:12,251 ♪ I just want to say thank you, baby ♪ 389 00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,954 ♪ For saving my life ♪ 390 00:17:15,005 --> 00:17:17,823 ♪ For picking me up ♪ 391 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,843 ♪ Dusting me off ♪ 392 00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:23,143 ♪ Putting me all back together, together ♪ 393 00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,380 ♪ Together, together ♪ 394 00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:25,431 ♪ Together ♪ 395 00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:29,218 ♪ I can live ♪ ♪ I can live ♪ 396 00:17:29,303 --> 00:17:32,021 ♪ Since I found you, baby... ♪ 397 00:17:32,105 --> 00:17:33,639 Thank you. 398 00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:38,227 What's... up, Natesville?! 399 00:17:38,312 --> 00:17:41,731 It's 58 degrees, 7:32 in the morning. 400 00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,366 Okay, pig, time to go. 401 00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:50,323 We're running late, pig, come on. We gotta... 402 00:17:50,374 --> 00:17:53,409 ♪ For saving my life ♪ ♪ We played together ♪ 403 00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:56,078 ♪ For picking me up ♪ ♪ I can't live ♪ 404 00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:57,527 ♪ I can't live without you, baby ♪ 405 00:17:57,528 --> 00:17:58,530 ♪ For dusting me off ♪ 406 00:17:58,582 --> 00:18:00,299 ♪ Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you, didn't you? ♪ 407 00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:02,051 ♪ Thank you, baby ♪ 408 00:18:02,135 --> 00:18:04,503 ♪ For saving my life ♪ 409 00:18:04,555 --> 00:18:06,055 ♪ For picking me up... ♪ 410 00:18:06,139 --> 00:18:09,308 What are you doing, Virginia? 411 00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:10,643 Just getting a closer look at this pig. 412 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:14,230 Did you ever notice he has the exact same eyes as David Lee Roth? 413 00:18:14,314 --> 00:18:16,182 Good evening, ladies. 414 00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,217 Am I on time for the meeting? 415 00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:19,852 Right on time. Come on in. 416 00:18:24,524 --> 00:18:26,192 Hello, everyone, and welcome to 417 00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:28,744 a very important meeting of Heaven's Helpers. 418 00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:30,696 Tonight we will be choosing a chairperson 419 00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:33,899 to lead our group for the next two years. 420 00:18:33,951 --> 00:18:35,167 Normally, the nominees 421 00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,670 would each give a short speech before the vote. 422 00:18:37,737 --> 00:18:40,673 Since Burt will show you that speeches are boring 423 00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:44,377 and since actions speak louder than words, I want you to see 424 00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:46,295 with your own eyes how my work 425 00:18:46,380 --> 00:18:47,964 did not just give this man a pig. 426 00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:49,915 It gave him his freedom. 427 00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,084 I'm going to give you a demonstration 428 00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:55,338 on the amazing things that this pig is trained to do. 429 00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:58,424 We are so busted. 430 00:18:58,475 --> 00:19:01,060 I'm starting to think our plan to impersonate a guide pig 431 00:19:01,111 --> 00:19:03,446 to fool a blind man and a church congregation 432 00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,281 was slightly flawed. 433 00:19:11,146 --> 00:19:13,765 Prepare to be amazed. 434 00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:16,400 This is going to be like the Easter fart times 20. 435 00:19:16,485 --> 00:19:17,852 This is going to be even worse than 436 00:19:17,903 --> 00:19:19,570 Jimmy's Christmas caroling boner. 437 00:19:19,655 --> 00:19:22,723 Now, Carl, I'm going to need you to turn around. 438 00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:23,766 Wait. This could be great. 439 00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:26,661 I mean, you guys aren't gonna get blamed when the pig can't do it; she is. 440 00:19:26,728 --> 00:19:29,063 She's the one trying to take all the credit. It's karma. 441 00:19:29,114 --> 00:19:31,749 Yeah, like that show with the Mallrats guy 442 00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:33,034 you kept trying to make me like. 443 00:19:34,336 --> 00:19:36,087 Now, tell the pig to get your bag. 444 00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:37,338 Pig, bag. 445 00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:45,079 Yes. 446 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:49,267 I don't believe it. 447 00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:50,518 Lucky break. 448 00:19:50,585 --> 00:19:51,803 Pig, home. 449 00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:57,141 Yes, right this way. 450 00:19:57,226 --> 00:19:59,811 Good. Yes. 451 00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,206 What the hell is going on here? 452 00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:16,092 I think we trained that pig. 453 00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:18,210 My God. We taught it how to be 454 00:20:18,295 --> 00:20:21,163 a guide pig by leading it around and showing it what to do. 455 00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:23,215 And giving it pig treats as positive reinforcement. 456 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,934 You gave the treats to the pig? 457 00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:26,669 Yeah. What'd you do with them? 458 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,188 I gave them to the pig. 459 00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:32,858 I can't believe this. 460 00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,677 She's getting all the credit again. 461 00:20:34,728 --> 00:20:36,145 And we can't even tell anybody what we did, 462 00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:38,064 or they'll know that we ate Mr. Curly Tail. 463 00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:39,848 Now she's definitely gonna win. 464 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,201 I don't know about that, 'cause I wrote Burt a pretty great speech. 465 00:20:42,285 --> 00:20:43,869 It was basically the speech from Braveheart, 466 00:20:43,954 --> 00:20:47,523 except at the end, it was like "You can take our church bazaar, 467 00:20:47,574 --> 00:20:50,126 but you'll never take our rummage sale." 468 00:20:50,193 --> 00:20:51,694 But like subtle. 469 00:20:51,745 --> 00:20:52,461 Burt? 470 00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:55,197 Burt, Burt, come on. 471 00:20:55,248 --> 00:20:56,666 You gotta focus on your speech. 472 00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:59,001 I don't care. She can be in charge. 473 00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:01,253 What? But then you'll never get the credit. 474 00:21:01,338 --> 00:21:03,372 I don't need it. 475 00:21:03,423 --> 00:21:04,473 Look what we did. 476 00:21:07,811 --> 00:21:11,880 Dad realized he didn't need to be in charge to get some glory, 477 00:21:11,932 --> 00:21:13,733 because he didn't need glory at all. 478 00:21:13,817 --> 00:21:15,985 Happiness is making other people happy. 479 00:21:17,437 --> 00:21:19,572 And after that, Dad was happy to do 480 00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:21,524 his volunteer work around the church simply for the good 481 00:21:21,575 --> 00:21:23,359 feeling of knowing that he had helped make things better. 482 00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:25,361 Looking good, Carl. 483 00:21:25,412 --> 00:21:28,080 Thanks, Burt, 'cause you know I can't tell. 484 00:21:28,165 --> 00:21:30,616 Great hearing and funny. 485 00:21:30,701 --> 00:21:32,835 You're almost the total package. 486 00:21:32,902 --> 00:21:34,403 Nice. 487 00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:39,454 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com